Pokemon Merchandise

a tiny Professor Oak lab in a cube. the exact moment you chose your first pokemon, frozen forever, so you can torture yourself with nostalgia whenever. $65 to timetravel to when you had no bills.

PokéNatomy is a real book by real scientists (fan scientists, but still). it explains, medically, what is happening inside a pikachu. i don't know why we needed this. we needed this.

the green gloves, the red and white hat, the whole deal. you will look 12. this is a feature, not a bug. wear it to a wedding, see what happens.

each one is a pokeball that fizzes away and drops a tiny plastic pokemon into your bathwater like a present. smells like vanilla. you are an adult having a great time.

a PDF that teaches you how to fold construction paper into a charizard mask with wings. you will burn an afternoon on this. worth it.

three little moles coming out of the ground, just vibing. painted or unpainted, your call. put it on your desk. watch your coworkers not understand.

a 3D-printed fossil of a pokemon stuck in a plaque like it's in a museum. $161 is a lot of money. i get it. i also want one.

pikachu, charmander, squirtle, smashed together into one plush abomination by a real person. it shouldn't work. it works. name it something cruel.

a gastly that glows purple and releases mist onto your desk. a humidifier that is also a ghost. your dry winter skin and your haunted vibes, taken care of at the same price.

for putting on your cat, who will hate it. for putting on your dog, who will tolerate it. a tiny turtle shell on a tiny animal. you already have your credit card out.

white sapphire and ruby set in a pokeball ring. genuinely beautiful. if they say no, this is still a great ring to wear yourself and spite-marry the concept of love.

holds six switch cartridges inside a pokeball. eight pokeball variants. the correct way to store your games, unless you're a coward.

a real plant living inside a pokeball. you will definitely forget to water it. it will die beautifully.

paintings of pokemon reimagined as nicolas cage. that's the product. that's the whole thing. you are already laughing.

clay-faced, fleece-bodied, handmade one at a time by a person who loves pokemon more than money. they are $230 because they should be.

send a photo of your pet, get back a hand-illustrated pokemon card starring your pet. attack stats included. this is a real gift a normal person should receive.

someone redrew all the og pokemon as medieval illuminated manuscript illustrations. it rips. if your coffee table doesn't have this on it, what are we even doing.

six bucks for a tiny, legally-distinct pokemon figure that is just slightly wrong. put it on your monitor. enjoy the small daily chaos.

a fake pokemon card starring michael scott from the office. moves include "declare bankruptcy" probably. an excellent conversation starter or relationship ender.

an actual working pokedex that says things when you press it. 905 pokemon loaded in. this is the gift you get yourself because your family loves you wrong.

holographic cards of pikachu, charizard, venusaur, and blastoise, but they are THICC. it's exactly what you think. eight dollars, don't even read this twice.

charizard but he's a little chunky fire guy. six dollars. why do you still not own this.

an 8x9 inch pokemon yellow cartridge for your wall. holographic finish. i don't have room for this and i'm buying one anyway.

handmade crocheted pikachu beanie with ears on top. warm. ridiculous. the two most important things.

a pikachu hoodie so soft it feels illegal. fleece, felt ears, the works. price varies on the listing, go look.

a pokeball with a real red light in the middle. flip the switch and feel like it contains something. it does not. still cool.

a kit where YOU assemble a pokedex around your phone. yes the screen is still your phone. yes this is insane. yes i love it.

handmade ceramic charmander. slot a tealight in, watch his tail "flame." the correct vibe for a bathroom shelf or a cursed altar.

a bean bag cover shaped like a full-size snorlax. eat in it. cry in it. $350 to truly become one with your snorlax self.

a handmade pokeball that opens like a jar. put a tiny pokemon inside like you are cruelly keeping one as a specimen. display it. don't think about the ethics.

a 3D-printed replica of the skull pikachu would have, if pikachus had bones you could excavate. 4 inches. very cursed. very excellent.

cosplay prop pokeball that clips to your belt. suddenly you're a trainer at the grocery store. no one will stop you.

giant game boy cartridges (pokemon, tetris, wario land) to hang on the wall. bigger than your actual gameboy. that's the point.

a gengar plush whose tongue is actually a full blanket. he licks you to sleep. the boundary between gift and threat is thin.

a full-size fluffy snorlax on your floor that you can nap on. $350. you are a grown person and you know what you want.